Why Hipsters are Stupid

No one likes a hipster douchebag. Even hipsters with no self-awareness say, “Ugh, I loathe hipsters.” But despite the fact that most people detest that notable too-cool-for-school douchey hipster demeanor, it appears they’re making a comeback. Thriving, as one would say.

Does that mean there must be something to it? Well, no. As the successes of Justin Bieber, the bible, and professional wrestling prove, the fact that something is popular doesn’t make it not stupid.

But before I detail the ways hipsterism is stupid, maybe I should spell out exactly what I mean by “hipster,” lest I fall into the trap of criticizing a straw-man.

Recognizing Hipsters

Hipsters come in all shapes and sizes. But regardless of their height and girth, they all tend to dress the way black people used to dress fifty years ago. They wear tight pants or tight ripped jean shorts, with a newsboy hat or fedora, and t-shirts with characters from movies you’ve never seen or ironic quotes from books you’ve never read. Oh, and eyeliner. They like eyeliner. And pretentious tattoos.

They detest anything popular or common, and so they rarely wear anything bought at a place like Forever 21 or PacSun. And don’t even get them started on Bloomingdale’s. They’re all about pre-owned stuff (or stuff that looks pre-owned). Thrift stores. Used record shops. Antiques. Stores of that nature. And if they do own anything mainstream, it’s usually purchased at some scene-ey store like American Apparel or Urban Outfitters.

Those are just the physical characteristics, though. Many people may look or dress like a hipster without espousing the hipster mentality.

That mentality can be summarized in one word: condescension.

If you like a popular novel or movie, it’s gauche. If you have a mainstream pop single coming out of your car stereo, it’s uncouth. If you ask, “Who’s that old dude on your shirt?” they’ll reply, “You’ve never heard of Bukowski? Uhh… have you heard of oxygen?”

To a hipster, you’re not cool, hip, or with-it unless every band you listen to is indie, every writer you like is under-appreciated, and every artist you’re familiar with is avant-garde.

Why They’re Stupid

Here’s the thing about hipsters.

For some reason, they can’t enjoy anything that a large number of people find emotionally or mentally stimulating. Coldplay, for example. Or Leo DiCaprio movies. I’m not quite sure what the theoretical limit of hipster acceptance is (i.e. the relative popularity of a given cultural phenomenon allowable before a hipster loses interest), but it doesn’t seem to be very high.

Example, I heard this statement from one particular hipster:

“Tristeza? Oh, yea… I used to listen to them before they were, like, the thing.”

[hair toss, followed by a swig of Pabst Blue Ribbon]

I’ve written about this phenomenon before, a reaction that I have since then officially named The LeBron Fallacy. It’s the tendency of hipsters to label a popular trend as “played-out” and any new fans contributing to its popularity as “poseurs,” which runs contradictory to what someone with a true appreciation of an art form would do.

Another staple of hipsterism is nihilism.

No passions or strong political stances are acceptable to a hipster. If you’re a liberal, you’re too whiny and naive. If you’re a libertarian, you’re an anarchist deviant. If you’re a conservative, you’re a greedy bigot. Atheists and theists are arrogant. Vegans and meat-eaters are ill-informed.

You get the idea.

The problem with hipster nihilism is twofold.

Fold Number One, political affiliations are largely a matter of opinion. They are a set of principles that represent an individual’s worldview and their desired outcome for society. The mere fact that most people are in the middle does not mean that the best option is in the middle.

Fold Number Two, Fold Number One holds doubly true when we’re talking about things that aren’t a matter of opinion. Things like religion. Either a particular religion is true, or it isn’t. Either God exists, or he doesn’t. The two concepts are mutually exclusive. The theist who says “I believe there is a god,” and the agnostic atheist who says, “I don’t believe there’s a god” are non-overlapping demographics. Saying “neither of you are right,” apart from being logically impossible, is nothing more than another douchey way of refusing to identify with any group, just to be able to cling to non-conformity.

If you’re a hipster, my message to you is, no one is impressed. You don’t own a monopoly on cool just because you can quote G.G. Allin and refuse to take a stance on anything. Listening to Coldplay doesn’t make anyone out-of-touch or a poseur, and no one died and made you the king of style.

I doubt they’ll listen. Ah, well.

Maybe if we’re lucky, being a hipster will become so popular that hipsters will be smug and condescending about hipsterism, creating a non-conformist vortex that will cause them to completely pop out of existence in an instant. Keep your fingers crossed.

44 thoughts on “Why Hipsters are Stupid

  1. You say hipsters hate main stream and only enjoy avant-garde artist but, and correct me if I’m wrong, most people are familiar with artists like Pablo Picasso, Andy Warhol, Yoko Ono, and Frank Lloyd Wright. Also what exactly is wrong with recycling clothes instead of throwing them out?

  2. “[HIpsters] dress the way black people used to dress fifty years ago”…Lol, you have no idea what your talking about. Last time I checked, today’s average hipster dosent resemble the guys listening to MLK’s speeches

    • look at the douche who doesn’t even know where the term “hipster” comes from. the word hip comes from a WEST AFRICAN word, ‘hipi’. It means, to open ones eyes. The first people to call themselves this were the poor blacks in the 1940s and 50s. They were mostly jazz musicians or followers of jazz.

      So please dumb ass… read something worthwhile and go back to williamsburg.

      • ***Wrong sub-culture bud. Did you find that on Yahoo answers? Hippie’s got their name from ‘hipi’. (Starting in 60’s). And once again: “poor blacks in the 1940s and 50s” didn’t wear skinny jeans/fedora’s etc… or anything resembling that. Regardless of what the word means, the style derived from that time period does not correlate with today’s style of Hipster.

        U madd? I thought so. 😄

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  4. Re: “Stella Wood Says:
    September 3, 2011 at 10:54 pm | Reply
    You say hipsters hate main stream and only enjoy avant-garde artist but, and correct me if I’m wrong, most people are familiar with artists like Pablo Picasso, Andy Warhol, Yoko Ono, and Frank Lloyd Wright. Also what exactly is wrong with recycling clothes instead of throwing them out?”

    -What a fucking hipster bitch response. I can just hear her condescending nasely bitch of a tone. I hope some body steals her iphone and pisses in her mouth.

  5. i love Bukowski… does this make me a hipster? I don’t like plaid or ride a bike… I don’t like Any Warhol… in fact I hate Andy Warhol.. dude sucked some serious cock to get famous..

    Pabst Blue Ribbon is disgusting… I don’t like boys who play banjo

  6. Wow did i get from boondocks to this 0.o and who wastes there time writing such a huge complaint? Okay wow you don’t like hipsters we get it.You don’t have to write a book about it ahaha did you get raped by one or something?

    • No dude, raping is too mainstream, no hipster would do such a thing xD And he does have a really strong point about these loosers turned heroes by capitalism. If you’re not ok with him writing this stuff just leave the page, don’t act all hipster like 😛

  7. Lol, all the shit you described reminds me of some bitch I know. Like literally everything you said is what she does. She’s fuckin snobby as hell.

    Hipsters are fucking scum, I agree with that vortex shit lmfao.

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  9. Hmm well honestly, I don’t see anything wrong with hipsters shopping at local shops because, local stores need all the support they can get in this economy. In my opinion underrated music, and independent films are the best. I get tired of listening to that auto tune shit on the radio. The only thing I don’t like is their attitude; being “original” does not make them superior then others and they’re not even all that “original” anyway, they like all the same things. Anyways, sorry for my rant. It just makes me mad because, I have a lot of the same interests as hipsters such as the style, music, but definitely NOT the mentality. Also, hipsters are more like hypocrites when they say that taking a stance on politics is bad or makes you a horrible person, I mean that’s ridiculous! I think a person is more original when they take a stand for something and make a difference then not doing anything at all. Good post, keep up the good work (: – melissa

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  11. LOL so many hipsters are angry
    that’s cause you just nailed it.
    Now they feel stereotyped
    ironic.
    None of you are individuals, if anything more of you are sheep than anyone else.
    Least you’re cooler than everyone else *eye roll*
    Things people do to feel important for their lack of self fulfilment these days is always fascinating.

  12. haha wow what a load of retards, i think this little article thing was funny, if you dont then cool for you bro, but obviously all you people saying “hipsters dont…” well guess the fuck what? if anyone refers to themselves as a hipster, a hippie, a goth, or any shit like that they arnt! they just want to be referred to as that, an exampe would be someone is named michael not michael the scene kid, these are all just adjectives that confused people acquire. it has nothing to do with who they are so defendents of “hipsters” are just confused people with nothing better to do then fight for an adjective, and oh remember kids this is the internet so no matter what you say NO ONE give a shittttt

  13. You do realize that hipsters don’t conform to prove a point right? that you don’t have to be what other people say, and you don’t have to listen to something or wear something because its “cool” you can’t judge people by stereotypes.

  14. this is called self hatred, projecting your own insecurities onto the public and labelling and generalizing everyone around you based on the clothes they wear the litreture they read the music they listen to, Labelling someone a hipster is what is truly stupid, Get a life you silly silly hater.

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  18. Hipsters are weird o.O my hate for them as a whole comes from the same reason I hate emo kids, and goths maybe. They ruined so many styles.. Clothing styles to be precise. It sucks not being able to use your converse or god forbid to actually like black cause someone will always say “are you a hipster/emo/insert semi culture here?” Its not just the clothing ofc, but its the easier example. There is a good reason why those kind of people will always be annoying and (in my dreams) persecuted to the full extend of the law u.u its because a subculture like that has to be formed on a fanatic basis, and fanatics of anything arent content with watching you think or act different. Condescencion is right. Maybe 3 years ago I would have wrote “lets hope it will die out” but i know better now. Fanatic trends are immortal and mutating, so best to live with it an make as much fun as possible of the little fu**ers. Nice post btw n____n feel better alredy :p

  19. HIpsters’ are insecure. Period. And they are conformists. I mean, they all dress the same right? Isn’t that conforming? Not only are they conforming, but they are actually following. They are more followers and they are more FAKE than the people they claim are. I have one in family that I see once a year at Xmas. Every year over the last few years since he got his first good paying job of his life at 35 years old, he doesn’t have fun anymore at xmas. He is quiet and reserved. He does not converse with everyone and he does not laugh like he used to. Now, he doesn’t really answer when talked to. He acts like he is brilliant being silent and recluse. But, his snobbery only shows all of us real men that he is insecure. We all see right though it. That’s what we don’t understand. He finally got his college degree and a job and now all of a sudden he’s a hippy-snob. I think hippy-snob is a better term for adult hipsters. When we’re at the dinner table, I make sure and bring up the better college I went to and the higher education I have. He is a teacher and pretends like he’s a scientist they way he carries himself. He teaches high school English in his hometown. lol, and he barely got through college and his wife (my cousin) told me she used to do his homework cause he had trouble. It’s just insecurity. Period. That’s it. He’s not a 20 something lost, hipster. He’s an adult snob. He is also VERY ignorant and judgmental, which points to the insecurity he lives with. When I say he’s ignorant, he’s one of those hipsters that believes Portland, Oregon is the only place on Earth that has hipsters and hippies, etc. I told him once that he’d love L.A. cause of the weather and diversity. He actually replied and said, “I’d rather live in Portland, that’s more my scent than FAKE L.A.” I replied, “Actually, there are more hipsters in L.A. than anywhere in the world.” He looked at me puzzled. And I said, “Yea, you need to get out more.”

    He used to drink beer and have fun at xmas parties. Now, he sits with his legs crossed and if we only have Bud Light, he won’t drink 1 beer. If we buy a gross craft beer that is bitter as hell, he’ll have that. Not only will he have it, he will exclaim how great it tastes! He wears keds (what I wore when I was 8 years old), rolled up jeans like he’s waiting for a flood and a flannel shirt. But, somehow he’s not a follower dressing like that? lol, I find it funny. He’s a high school freakin’ teacher in his hometown, but he acts like he’s a rocket scientist when he shows up for a family function. To all you hipsters, we see right through it and we just tolerate you till you leave. And, once you leave, everyone says, “what a weirdo.” We don’t say, “Wow, he’s cool.” Most of you hipsters if you were to hang out with all types of peoples and races, you’d find that your subculture conformed hipster culture is racist and hateful, not the other way around. I love hanging out with hipsters, hippies, preppies, professionals, losers, black dudes, white dudes, Asians, jocks, nerds, everyone. Do you hipsters?

    • I do,and when did being a hipster have to make you so uptight and pretentious,I like all kinds of styles and clothing and I do roll my pants leg up( not to high heavens but to just above the ankle)but that’s not just being a hipster that’s just trend in men’s fashion that’s been around since the 50’s and You know the reason why your cousin is like that because he’s sees how judgemental is wife’s side of the family.Let him dress how he likes and instead of you criticizing his style try asking about what he likes and maybe you yourself might like the same things . No if he’s just a jerk that’s just him but you shouldn’t just come at a whole group of people style and living just because you have one cousin that’s uptight and just so happens to have a hipsters style.

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