Sorry kids, God doesn’t make phone calls

Let’s see if you well-informed adults can figure out what’s really going on here:

Phone calls from God still had some children in awe Thursday morning at St. Nicholas of Myra vacation bible school.

“He told me to fish for people,” 8-year-old Noelle Nunes said, “and tell everyone about him.”

“He told me to follow in his footsteps,” 7-year-old Jack Dubois said. “The phone call really surprised me. He didn’t say an awful lot, he just told me to follow him.”

Every child participating in this program received a call from God Wednesday as they took part in games, music and crafts all this week at the church’s vacation bible school.

It doesn’t exactly take Sherlock fucking Holmes to unravel this one. Clearly these kids are being duped into thinking that God has their home number. It’s a little insulting, if you think about it; the notion that, with all the repugnant crap going on in the world right now, God is nevertheless taking time out of his busy schedule to make some personal calls?

Anyway, let’s recap some facts shall we? According to these people, God…

  • can be in a million places at once,
  • knows everything you’re doing,
  • gives gifts,
  • has a list detailing who is righteous and who isn’t,
  • has servants and helpers,
  • and needs adults to pretend to be him so that little kids will believe.

Remind me again… how exactly is God different from Santa Claus?

(via The Friendly Atheist)

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