Orlando:
I like the Jets.
Lauren:
Me, too.
ME:
You like the Jets?
Orlando:
Yes. Yes, I do.
ME:
The New York Jets?
Lauren:
Those Jets.
ME:
I like the Jets slightly more than I like a hairbrush up my asshole. But only slightly.
Lauren:
I thought that was every Wednesday at your house.
ME:
Not anymore.
Lauren:
No more Hairbrush Wednesdays?
ME:
Nah. Now it’s Curling Iron Thursdays.
Lauren:
Nice. I hope you leave it unplugged though. Safety first.
ME:
Where the fuck is the fun in that?
Lauren:
True.
ME:
Plus, you get those curly ass hairs that women love. Seriously, bitches are all about the curly ass hairs. Like Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction. Sexy shit. Literally.
(collective groans)
Lauren:
Why do you always have to one-up people?
ME:
Because I’m so fucking good at it!
———-
EDIT
———-
SOHAIL (via text message):
And I’m not there to stop you.
REPLY:
No. No you are not.
Marc Velazquez 