Meanwhile, Down at The Ol’ Office…

Orlando:
I like the Jets.

Lauren:
Me, too.

ME:
You like the Jets?

Orlando:
Yes. Yes, I do.

ME:
The New York Jets?

Lauren:
Those Jets.

ME:
I like the Jets slightly more than I like a hairbrush up my asshole. But only slightly.

Lauren:
I thought that was every Wednesday at your house.

ME:
Not anymore.

Lauren:
No more Hairbrush Wednesdays?

ME:
Nah. Now it’s Curling Iron Thursdays.

Lauren:
Nice. I hope you leave it unplugged though. Safety first.

ME:
Where the fuck is the fun in that?

Lauren:
True.

ME:
Plus, you get those curly ass hairs that women love. Seriously, bitches are all about the curly ass hairs. Like Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction. Sexy shit. Literally.

(collective groans)

Lauren:
Why do you always have to one-up people?

ME:
Because I’m so fucking good at it!

———-
EDIT
———-

SOHAIL (via text message):
And I’m not there to stop you.

REPLY:
No. No you are not.

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